What Would You Do? (Lyrics for Gary's song)

Step inside my head just for one day
Look close, take note of every dream that bled
Because it was you, only you
That came that day, and broke in
You broke in
And like a storm you ripped every vein
Every stain
That carried my thoughts and dreamed I had of you
And only you

Disregard, it doesn't matter, no matter
Who cares what was left
Who cares on what horrors I fed
It's all gone in the storm
That came and stole my fath away

Loneliness, it wails like a bereaved child
Through every joy and every memory since the storm
Consistant and endless void

Just tell me what would you do
In my tired and old shoes
Would you make a wave come
To wash it all away
Or let yourself live on regardless of the pain
Just tell me what would you do
What would you do
Inside my black and tortured mind

You wander in andout of this space as you please
Involuntarily you drip drip drip from every orifice I fed
All experience is stamped with you
A hurricane came and it's crime remains

Confusion; it beats like a lonely shivelled heart
In every action, every word I'll ever say
Nonchalant and alone

Just tell me what would you do
In my weary and pain-filled shoes
Would you make waves come
To tear it all away
Or let yourself breathe on regardless of my pain
Just tell me what would you do
What would you do
Behind my cold and crying eyes

Smiling Mascara

Mascara face you smile why so?
Have you just had another reason to grow?
Will you take on board this time?
The ship of horrors; your realisation, and see you'll be fine?

Worth ten of many
Time and sweet time again
A sieve for the riff raff
You will eventually gain

My gold coins in the bag jingle gleefully
By Christ! Do I finally in me believe?
Take heed! Raise the flag! Hoist it high
Innocent, purity: shield of white, victory for all the times I cry

Cockroaches And The Devil

My Sweet poisonous enemy
You rear my ugly head today
You take my dignity and silence
You make them grey and frayed

Stolen was my sensibility
Taken was my composition
Robbed was my sanity
You seperated the well built partition

Punching out my salty tears
Tearing out my heart and soul
You left me alone and scared for my life
You made me want to never grow

You innocent inside that bottle
You are just a bit of fun
But it's you that made me try to take my life
Wit those 81 pills occluding the sun

Alcohol was the bullet in the gun
The reason for the devil to approach
Hidden so well he found an escape route
Release within me that ugly cockroach

7 Weeks Gone

Now you're gone
You stole a chunk of me too
Looking at pictures of you
I just wish you're here

Tears still poison my eyes
My heart still tortures me
I really just can't be
Knowing you're there without me

You don't want me fair enough
But my soul still lives in your bed
You still have my heart, my everything
Locked up in a box in your head

I promised you everything
I don't break my sugar promises

You left your mark here
Your tee shirt I still wear at night
I can sometimes see the light
But then it always copmes back down to you

My love is wasted on someone like you
Who lost the appreciation for my love
How could you throw this away?
Live on without me another day?

While I can't, you're still there
Lurking, stalking my every thought
When I succeed I think of you
And how proud you would be too

When I cry, or feel low
I desperate to pick up the phone
You need time on your own
While I sit here loving you alone

Are you happy, truly happy?
Am I the biggest mistake you ever made?
Do I not light up your life no more?
You still light mine my love

Always...

Rain And The Sun

Bleeding blue sky
Cried sugar coated tears
That scorch the earth
With emotions in every drop
Bulging garing grey clouds
Release firecrackers of yellow bolts
As punishment in anger in all it's glory
Overcast, the people run
Shielding from bolts of bold fury
The sky it roared in anger
Screaming in pain and release
Throwing down cold chilling droplets of dread
Darkness moves in like the grim reaper
Obscuring, demanding, veiling,
Captures the world in its claws, digging in
Smell of darkness is rank and of fear
Ten hours of punishment pouring down
Laughter I can hear booming from the clouds
The winner it takes over, ruling all
Tightening it's grip in sheer fury
The knight comes in on its white horse
It shines bright, overcoming the shadows
Breaking through it tears holes heartily
Distant moans of defeat drowned by the sun
Yells of defeat in beams of white light
Now they reign gleefully obliviating the night
The world is unleashed, freed of the black spell, release, freedom, no more peril

Treasured Memories

Do you remember Ben and Jerry's?
Phish food in bed and you fed me with a spoon?

Do you recall the long drive to Portsmouth?
I slept in the car and drooled like a loon

Do you reminice the countless movies, walks and cooking?
Our mundane tasks made us laugh and love each other more

Do you see me in the bed, kitchen, street and your car?
My half smile drenched thoughts of the man I adored

Do you appreciate my time, effort and love?
I put so much in and never wanted to get out

Do you dream, sleep and eat un-haunted?
For fear my memory leaves you feeling doubt

Do you visualise my ghost in every place?
I cry each day-your shadow's not left without a trace

Do you regret or unappreciate my soul I gave?
Now I suffocate as I watch you rip the tracks I paved

LadyBird

He twitches
His wings twitch like a seizure in your hand
He flips
His blood red shell explodes to reveal velvet
He toddles
His tiny tickling feet marathon the heart line
He spins
His wings expand and fly high away
Away

Walls and Doors

We build walls,a stone wall
We forget the door on purpose
When we have been hurt
Last thing you want is to again fall

Bittenress can rule inside four walls
Four walls four dark walls
Good will come and bad will poison
Relationships can the mind appaul

People come and go
Some will be brilliant, ones to wait for
Waiting at the door for years on end
No-one will come for you with a tow

It can be hard, like bricks thrown
To have love leave your life no double takes
Seeds were sown long ago for you
In your mind those seeds have grown

Build a door, steel enforced
Build a door, wheatgrass
Build a door, flammable wood
Build no door, nothing will come

I will again build a door, leave it ajar
For someone to wonder in and take me far
Far, high above the clouds
Keep me safe there and guard my door

Limbo Steps

Emotions are like sparks from the flames
Random, soaring, unpredictable, wild
Sometimes void just tends to prevail
Laughter comes to mind also, smile through pain
Confused as to whether I'll talk to you again
Second chances is my name
Always willing to try again
Only so many cards of hearts I can deal
Before I've given them all away

So long ago, the pain renewed
Worst fears confirmed, no surprises
Always knew it inside but denial's middle name
The anger just like balloons, rises and rises
Knew it inside, I tell you
Pushed him to find the truth
For you would never reveal
The darker side there was to you

Not so much betrayal; disappointed, done deed
Knew it over a dozen months ago
Always said inside I would snuff our flame
I am alone now in this cold dark empty room
Spilt pills before me, contemplating what to do
Mascara face, weary eyes
Dreading to sleep for fear of dreams haunted with your eyes

Poisonous

The lines tell a story
Of progression and broken tracks of discovery
The scars tell a novel of life's challenges and self building
And I fail not to dwell
I try not to drown in the past
As I struggle for air from the distant ascent up to the top

Stagnant air I breathe
In a world which has it's own control
Chains and barriers made of cold steel
I try not to feel this song was written for you
That the other was written from me to you
As I suffocate under endless words of stunning truth

Pure soul
Pure life
Pure flesh and pure thoughts
Dipped in staining tar;
Charcoal which leaves residue
You were the knight in sparkling armour
Were the dream alive each day
You were my renaissance man
The spark
The reason
The truth behind each of my locked doors

Excuse me while I drown you in this confesssion
As you break free and find your own
My soul
My skin
My thoughts soaked in this infectious substance
One day he says I will break free of this enchantment
Escape from the prison I built for myself

Punishment and Consequence

Fallen down on the ground
Ripped flesh
Red liquid
You are dead on both knees my poor soul
Let the poison crawl on in
Fall back
Give in and solute those who invade and destroy
You are weakness afterall
Why fight the pain when it will only win?

Consequence and punishment
You deserve, you know it
Isn't that what you say to that reflection?
Stare into her eyes and dare tell her it's not true
I dare you
I dare you
I dare you to breathe
Crack the glass
Let it bleed
Let it cry with your stare
You dream a blank canvas
Nonchalant and void

Let sweet, salty, defeating droplets caress those cheeks
Let them sail on down that tired, haggered frown
Fell those eyes drowning
Drowning, bulging
Bulging
Welcome the soaring pain of what you once were sail away
Zoom back, my love
The broken mess still on the ground

Festering
Exposed and alone it lays forever
I dare you
I dare you
I dare you to touch
Touch upon my weak friend
Touch upon that death
Find the strength
Draw from a source, to pick up the broken shell

Consequence and punishment
Taste the blood
Despair and misery in your hot mouth
Taste the unknown and trials and tribulations
I dare you
I dare you
I dare you to feel
Feel hope once again
Find the ability
Take it from your soul you felt bleeding on the floor

Boiling Point

One hundred degrees I have now reached
It is the peak, mount everest, cherry at the top
Progression, repression, obsession, aggression
A glass filled now, overspilling, the tap running

Heavy skin is tearing, thoughts slowly wearing
Heavy bones, thirty stone, feet dragging, mind tiring
Keep my head down low, weighted like a balloon
Filled with air, slowly increasing, stretching under pressure

The consequence of the sixth, that day
So simple, so common, it's effect is astounding
Sudden high to a low has damaged my soul
Frustration, need release, something stuck inside
Beneath the skin, like a worm it travels
Infection in myself without a noticeable cure

Sharing

I breathe the same air as billions before me
I touch the same earth like many others
So many sights, smells, textures everyday
Walking through this city I retrace our steps

Run my hand down the stair banisters
Tears dare to invade at your missing touch
For your hand once laid here my love
Like death sadly you just seem gone
Your faded footsteps I re-step through just to feel whole
My skin prickles as I step each hard step through your ghost
It's strange to be here doing the things
People have done so many times before.
Yet each time I remember the things we did
I feel I have to open our special door

Spread my fingers in front of my face
Drinking in the fact they were once round your frame
Already touched thousands of things after that last embrace
Yet that day feels like just only yesterday

I don't share as many things with you as I did
Only the air we breathe and the earth beneath our warm feet
I stare at the same stars and clouds as you
Dreading my reaction to you the next day we meet
My emotions and memories they are all now hid
Beneath a black sheet of denial and lies
It is only to myself that I commit deceit
The memories always resurface, unwilling to die

Happy to at least share the same breath as you
Wish I could only share my lonely cold soul with you

Figuring It Out

I wonder what it's like in your mind
Tunnels, caves, blackness and lies
I want to understand and be there for you
If you are as unhappy as you say you are
Crimson is my heart when it thinks of you
Black and cold is my heart now you pushed me away
I hope one day you will find your way
Out of the unknown and into this sunny day

I can't make you love me
I don't know how you feel
I can't force you into feelings
I cant help to reveal
All I want is your safety
Your happiness, your confidence
To come flooding gleefully back through you

You are as precious as a diamond
You do not see
The love and adoration for you
Thats flowing freely from me

My love isn't enough it seems
To make you safe, happy and warm
If there isn't someone else
You will catch you when you fall?

You can push me away, screaming and shouting
For I will not let go until I'm doubting
The love for you I know will stay
Right within me until my dying day

Tears don't come from nowhere
They're from the heart
a defense, a punishment
For you ripping us both apart

When you finally understand
Come back to me
Tell me honest and true
You dont share the love that comes from me

Your Quest

Many Ataris songs come to mind
While coping with what's left behind
Your soft skin like yesterday
Resides in my memory
Imagery of comforting you
The pain has no remedy
I do not wish to feel this low
But your words as harsh as the deep black crow
Hard to comprehend how you have changed
My mind and my dreams all seem so deranged

I am half a person of what I was
Desperate for our paths to once again cross
I can't help but want you back with me
I wonder if one day soon you will see
No-on can love you as half as much as I
For you I would without a doubt die
Like leaves that fall from towering trees
I want you to find your love for me

Once Was

You were my salvation, my love
You were my life, my love
You consumed my days, my love
You let me down. my love

Empty; lay my hands
Empty; lays my heart
Empty; lays my mind
Empty; lays my soul

Lost and alone; my joy gone
Scared and crying; my joy gone
Confused and in denial; my life gone
Sad and numb; my life gone

Void; the black hole gaping
Missing; flag bold above my head
Lost; scared to be alone
Stuck; wanting to end it all soon

Unloved but in love; you're gone
Wasted energy; never to return
Fear of hatred; you're definately gone
Fear of losing you further; you leave me standing alone

Nothing Makes Any Sense Anymore

A blank page with no writing
A ball lays untouched in the grass
A bird has no ability to sing
A duck with no webbed feet
A knife without a blade
A door with no handle
A cave without the darkness
A heart misses an echoing beat

A void is inside of me
A place lays bare of something so pure
All positivity swept away in a blink of an eye
Now I know how it feels to be alone

Pointless hours wasted drowning in salty tears
No capabilities to drink, to eat, to live
Just constant routines of misery and silence
Wondering where it all went to horribly wrong

A monster now lives in the hole inside me
I don't like, I'm scared I want it gone
Like a painting untouched I exist
A veil over me so no-one can see
Extracted the love, the trust, the self esteem
Now I'm just a broken mess
Nothing makes much sense anymore
Nothing takes priority anymore
Just the misery and it's control over me

Battle of good and evil

In chaos I still have capabilities to rationalise
Bring chaos to order in time
Set all demons free, if only for one night
Work them out another rainy day

I would go through a world of misery
I would tolerate the rain, the food I hate
Put up with the negativity
Simply listen to criticism and take it on board
On board of the ship of horrors
Turn them all into positives to let them free

Anything to have one day with my love
To eat with him
To sleep with him
To make love to him
To share long drives with him
Share the good and share the bad
The bad I can always battle

Mundane

A darkened room with no complication
No cracks, no pressure, no strain, no influence
Our bodies next to one another
We both sleep and wake together in our own uncomplicated world

We are like the truth, the key, the reason and right answer
Each day and night I have the privilegde to share with you
We enjoy the simplicity, the mundane things which make our lives

I run my fingertips down your spine
Put my other arm around your soft warm waist
I lay with my head buried in your neck
I breathe in sync with your own

A simple kiss washes away all the stress
A simple stroke to calm and soothe
My painkiller, my restful sleep
You are simply salvation, release, my shrink all wrapped into one

There does lay things what we see as proof of relationships not lasting
They are our lessons which brought us together
I am a perfectionist, but not afraid to fail
I may fall and you may fall
But forever may we only fall back into each others arms

Rememberance of our mundane tasks, how we make them not so mundane
They are our love, our passion, our shared tolerance and joy
A day without you I can slowly but surely work through
Just revelling in the beauty of knowing
I am breathing the same air
That you walk this same earth
For as long as we work out I hold your body in my hands
Bring restoration and sanity booming back down

Mr. Time Man

Mr Time man
I do not envy you
What a task it must be
To hold so many keys

Time is a healer, they say
Only Time can tell
Time is justification
Mr Time can go to hell

You can spend years together
And still not tell
Time is just there
Is no proof you wont be let down

Sometimes things dont work
When the foundations were shoddy
Mr Time man wont solve all your problems
Continuation is all you can do

Don't leave it to others
Think of Mr Time man
Beat the clock first
For outcomes only you can control

Life with another is a bonus
Not a reward from Mr Time
He can only progress as you learn
You and only you make your own terms