My Second Heart

I hold you in my invisible heart, the second one I've learned to grow
It holds all the painful emotions, memories and challenges
You're the ivy up a tall dark wall, budded, grew and spread
spiralling and twisting around that cold metal heart where your memory lays dead
Though you are not dead, nor different or a monster
You live behind my eyes, my frown, my deppest darkest thoughts
Your the black dreams in the night that play out my subconscious pain
A strong and close memory I keep contained my my second heart.
A small, cold box holding pride of place
On a wooden self inside a dingy damp closet
It's full of the most horrific memories that a person will ever have.
Lucky, or not, The Cash Story is the box's only occupant, alone...
But strong and vibrant enough to crush.

Feeder

Oh what a mess she was
Ladened in venom and deadly disease
A year goes by, shaking it, pulling it off
She breathes for the first time, lets go for the last time

Or at least she tries, tricks herself for the hundredth time.

Does she cry for the thousandth time?
The tears run dry with no more to cry
What to do, what to do
I have the gun, the knife, the posion
To end it forever, rid the disease

Wathcing her is all I can do
My glass prison, tapping glass, thumping glass
But she doesn't see, cant hear, wont turn
So leave her be, watch her forever as she dies inside herself

Forever cracking glass, no nearer, no further
Drinking it, gulping down as much sorrow as I can
I am the monster that feeds on her pain
Slowly destroying it, breaking it down
Day by day, I will get closer, ever so closer
One day in time I will conquer and take
Only one last breath in, it will be the last, one day very soon

One More Time Before I Let It Go

Create a new dream for me to dream
Wipe away those nightmares rolling down in tears
Catch one drifting word that seeps through
The air tonight as I toss and turn for the last time

Enough for now, no more tears or flashbacks
Locked away, I hide them, bury it, accept and move
On, forward, with you there hovering

Sweetness, Madness, descending gladness
The temperature drops for one last night
I've surrendered for just this night, the key in my hand
Ready to say goodbye, drowning surfer saved once again

Dropping it, loosening it,
I punch the air, and tear through the air's flesh
The covers suffocated in my claws
I dream it for the last time
Just one last time

I pull out a knife, the blade laced in murderous threats
And I kill it, the last time, the very last I promise
So it's gone, forgotten, the thoughts no longer there

Wake up now, wake up now it's safe,
A new dream has come, wrapped in an antidote for that poison you left

What Would You Do? (Lyrics for Gary's song)

Step inside my head just for one day
Look close, take note of every dream that bled
Because it was you, only you
That came that day, and broke in
You broke in
And like a storm you ripped every vein
Every stain
That carried my thoughts and dreamed I had of you
And only you

Disregard, it doesn't matter, no matter
Who cares what was left
Who cares on what horrors I fed
It's all gone in the storm
That came and stole my fath away

Loneliness, it wails like a bereaved child
Through every joy and every memory since the storm
Consistant and endless void

Just tell me what would you do
In my tired and old shoes
Would you make a wave come
To wash it all away
Or let yourself live on regardless of the pain
Just tell me what would you do
What would you do
Inside my black and tortured mind

You wander in andout of this space as you please
Involuntarily you drip drip drip from every orifice I fed
All experience is stamped with you
A hurricane came and it's crime remains

Confusion; it beats like a lonely shivelled heart
In every action, every word I'll ever say
Nonchalant and alone

Just tell me what would you do
In my weary and pain-filled shoes
Would you make waves come
To tear it all away
Or let yourself breathe on regardless of my pain
Just tell me what would you do
What would you do
Behind my cold and crying eyes

Smiling Mascara

Mascara face you smile why so?
Have you just had another reason to grow?
Will you take on board this time?
The ship of horrors; your realisation, and see you'll be fine?

Worth ten of many
Time and sweet time again
A sieve for the riff raff
You will eventually gain

My gold coins in the bag jingle gleefully
By Christ! Do I finally in me believe?
Take heed! Raise the flag! Hoist it high
Innocent, purity: shield of white, victory for all the times I cry

Cockroaches And The Devil

My Sweet poisonous enemy
You rear my ugly head today
You take my dignity and silence
You make them grey and frayed

Stolen was my sensibility
Taken was my composition
Robbed was my sanity
You seperated the well built partition

Punching out my salty tears
Tearing out my heart and soul
You left me alone and scared for my life
You made me want to never grow

You innocent inside that bottle
You are just a bit of fun
But it's you that made me try to take my life
Wit those 81 pills occluding the sun

Alcohol was the bullet in the gun
The reason for the devil to approach
Hidden so well he found an escape route
Release within me that ugly cockroach

7 Weeks Gone

Now you're gone
You stole a chunk of me too
Looking at pictures of you
I just wish you're here

Tears still poison my eyes
My heart still tortures me
I really just can't be
Knowing you're there without me

You don't want me fair enough
But my soul still lives in your bed
You still have my heart, my everything
Locked up in a box in your head

I promised you everything
I don't break my sugar promises

You left your mark here
Your tee shirt I still wear at night
I can sometimes see the light
But then it always copmes back down to you

My love is wasted on someone like you
Who lost the appreciation for my love
How could you throw this away?
Live on without me another day?

While I can't, you're still there
Lurking, stalking my every thought
When I succeed I think of you
And how proud you would be too

When I cry, or feel low
I desperate to pick up the phone
You need time on your own
While I sit here loving you alone

Are you happy, truly happy?
Am I the biggest mistake you ever made?
Do I not light up your life no more?
You still light mine my love

Always...

Rain And The Sun

Bleeding blue sky
Cried sugar coated tears
That scorch the earth
With emotions in every drop
Bulging garing grey clouds
Release firecrackers of yellow bolts
As punishment in anger in all it's glory
Overcast, the people run
Shielding from bolts of bold fury
The sky it roared in anger
Screaming in pain and release
Throwing down cold chilling droplets of dread
Darkness moves in like the grim reaper
Obscuring, demanding, veiling,
Captures the world in its claws, digging in
Smell of darkness is rank and of fear
Ten hours of punishment pouring down
Laughter I can hear booming from the clouds
The winner it takes over, ruling all
Tightening it's grip in sheer fury
The knight comes in on its white horse
It shines bright, overcoming the shadows
Breaking through it tears holes heartily
Distant moans of defeat drowned by the sun
Yells of defeat in beams of white light
Now they reign gleefully obliviating the night
The world is unleashed, freed of the black spell, release, freedom, no more peril